Do you want to introduce some magic in your relationship? Learn how to celebrate your spouse in a way that honors them and recognizes God's gifts in them!
Celebrating your spouse isn't hard, but few of us do it as often as we should or as well as we could.
When we celebrate our spouse we have the opportunity to create joy in our spouse. A joy that comes from intentional cherishing, valuing and appreciating them for who they are. As we do this, we are highlighting a worthy and admirable trait we see.
There are some risks involved.
While I was writing this post, I had a sentence in here where I celebrated my wife. When she read it, she said, "That embarrasses me." So, I reluctantly removed it because it definitely didn't bring her any joy. That happens a lot for us because we are soooo different.
One common mistake is to give our spouse what we would want rather than what they would enjoy. That's the classic "I gave my wife a shotgun for her birthday." when this wife hates hunting.
We all know how words motivate us. You can probably remember positive things others said to you in the past. Maybe a teacher, a parent or a coach. Today, it still gives you good feelings when you recall it. Now you have the opportunity to do the same for your spouse.
As you do, realize that God has given you a special place and ability to express His love for your spouse. What you lack in speaking ability or passion doesn't matter. God will join in your effort because He deeply loves your spouse and wants to give them joy. Choose to celebrate your spouse and leave the results to God.
What to Celebrate about your Spouse
My recommendation is to celebrate, in your spouse, those things that God would praise them for. Those are usually things about your spouse that are character-based.
This would include character traits. Like diligence, kindness, commitment, work ethic, insight, wisdom, perseverance, sacrifice, patience, passion, honesty, devotion, generosity, integrity, self-control, optimism, fairness, confidence, resourcefulness, enthusiasm, caring, decisiveness, boldness, affection, wit, sensitivity, attentiveness, creativity, courage, encouragement, flexibility, frugality, honesty, humility, loyalty, modesty, being open-minded, politeness, being organized, neat, punctuality, respectful, stability, supportiveness, trustworthiness, wise, fun-loving, and humorous.
Now, we need to assemble the pieces. Start by taking one of these characteristics and put it into a sentence. Use this format. "I really appreciate that you are xxxxxxxxx and a good example of that is xxxxxxxxxxxxxx".
For example, I might say to my spouse, "I appreciate your amazing ability to wisely spend the monies we have available. Here's a good example. Yesterday you came home with a receipt from Tom Thumb and while you spent $50 on groceries, you also saved $50 off of the normal prices. I don't know how you do it, but that's a real gift you have."
The key thing to do is first to be specific and second to provide an example that clearly illustrates what you are celebrating. That keeps your statement from being false praise and sounding fake.
How to Celebrate your Spouse
Perhaps you think that celebrating our spouse requires a candlelight dinner or trip to some exotic destination. If you can afford it do both. But in reality most of us need plain old encouragement because our Love Bank is always being drained. And here is the reason.
Most of us are very aware of our many shortcomings. We ask a lot of internal questions about ourselves that are often negative. (Why did I do that? What's wrong with me today? I can't believe I was fooled by them.) This negative self-talk leads us to doubt our worth, question our sanity and wonder about our purpose in life. And we think we are the only ones like this. But even those people that have achieved outward success (and which we think are wonderful) also struggle with these questions of value. (Am I doing enough? Why did I do that stupid thing? Am I good enough? Do others appreciate me? Does anyone notice?)
Celebrating your spouse isn't so much about creating a big event but more about celebrating the small things of life.
That's why expressing something you admire and appreciate about your spouse is never a bad idea. If you stop and think, this is the message that God is trying to send to each of us every day. Be an agent of God and become a conduit of His love to your spouse. You will find there is life-changing power in it.
Remember each of us has a different Love Language. Consider that as you speak. Perhaps a surprise gift is appropriate or a kind touch/hug or completing something on their to-do list for them or scheduling some time alone with them should be added. In all cases, your actions should be followed by your words.
Watch your talk! No bad words should be coming from your mouth. Say what is good. Your words should help others grow as Christians.
Ephesians 4:29 (NLV)
Pleasing words are like honey. They are sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24 (NLV)
Managing your Expectations
Warning: If you are celebrating your spouse for the wrong reasons, you will sabotage your efforts from the beginning. What are some bad reasons for celebrating?
- To manipulate your spouse into doing something nice for you
- Hoping they will think you are wonderful and be grateful for your words
- Assuming that it will immediately change their negative attitude about you
- Trying to look like a wonderful spouse in front of your friends and family
Our motivations matter and God sees them all of the time. The best way to manage your expectations is to celebrate your spouse because you want to value them as God's beloved child. Nothing else.
That ensures that regardless of their response or lack of a response, you find yourself being a faithful conduit to express God's love to them.
Saying it Right
Not all of us have the ability to say things perfectly. Start where you are. The effort will be appreciated. Here are some examples that should help you form your statement so it truly celebrates your spouse.
- One of the things that amazes me is how disciplined you are. You consistently make the effort to be on time. I love that about you.
- I was thinking about how good you are with the kids. They light up when you come home. I appreciate that you have such a good relationship with them.
- To be honest there are times when I watch you doing xxxxx and you make it seem easy. I don't think I could ever do that as well as you do but I'm grateful that God has given you that skill/talent.
- I haven't told you this before, but you have this amazing ability to make others feel comfortable. People open up and share their real heart with you. That's amazing and I love you because you are good at that.
- Many marriages struggle with conflict but I appreciate that you are patient when we disagree. You did that yesterday and that was kind.
- I know we often disagree but your commitment to our relationship helps me to trust that we will grow in how we handle conflict. Thank you for being that way.
- I haven't said it often enough but your diligence in getting up early and putting in the hours often amazes me. Your desire to provide for us and your willingness to sacrifice for the family are something I deeply appreciate.
- I want to tell you how much I appreciate the many things you do that are not noticed. You keep doing them well even without recognition. Thank you for being that kind of person.
- Your flexibility is one of your best strengths. Often I'm frustrated by last-minute changes but you handle them much better than I do. Thank you for being an example in that area.
Wrapping Up
Celebrating our spouse is something that God has given to us as part of our relationship. We are our spouse's best cheerleaders and encouragers. God is on your side with this, so go for it!
How will You celebrate Your spouse this week?
Here are other tips that you can add on as frosting to the cake!
(You can celebrate me by leaving a brief comment because I too wonder if I'm making a difference too! )
Rob, you and Lou Ann have always inspired me to be encouraging to my spouse, because of the example that you have set since I first met you in 1982. Thank you for the reminder of the practical ways to put praising my spouse into our every day lives. Love you both, Wanda Everett