Fighting through Discouraging Times in your Marriage

Like everyone else on the planet, your marriage isn’t close to perfect.  That’s why there are times when you may feel like giving up on your marriage.

You might be tempted to settle for just being roommates, living in continual conflict or even leaving completely.  You may be tired and don’t see God working in the situation.


I am not an optimist,

because I am not sure that everything ends well.

Nor am I a pessimist,

because I am not sure that everything ends badly.

I just carry hope in my heart.

Hope is the feeling that life and work have a meaning.

You either have it or you don’t,

regardless of the state of the world that surrounds you.

Life without hope is an empty, boring, and useless life.

I cannot imagine that I could strive for something if I did not carry hope in me.

I am thankful to God for this gift. It is as big as life itself.
Vaclav Havel

You and I will always be susceptible to thoughts of giving up on marriage, because of tough circumstances, our human limitations and our fearful hearts.

But God isn’t through with you, your spouse or your marriage. 

And HIS hope isn’t wavering, because He has a plan for you and your spouse..

In those times of feeling discouraged, recognize you are normal and not the exception.  I can confirm that everyone feels hopeless at times.

Just remember, there is a way forward. 

And it is to realize that discouragement comes when we put our hope in anything but God. 

So, what are you putting your hope in right now? 

I like to put my hope in stupid things like this:

1. My idealistic expectations for my spouse

2. My perfect timing for her changing

3. My ability to believe I can control things

4. My spouse’s ability to control things

5. My amazing plan for the future of my marriage


Hopefully you are smarter than me…


So, do this for yourself. 

Let God know where you are, how you feel and what you need from HIM.

Then call a close friend (of the same sex) and tell them you are discouraged and need some time and prayer.  (If you don’t have someone to talk to I would be glad to meet with you!)


Then remember these concepts from James 4:13-14.

1. Plan for the future, but hold it lightly

2. Trust God for the results and a change of direction

3. Accept God’s provision from your efforts

4. Manage your expectations and be patient with results and timing

5. Acknowledge God’s sovereignty in the matter

6. Trust in God’s love and character to move on your behalf

7. Stay humble, acknowledge reality and lean on others when it is tough


Discuss your answers to these questions with your Spouse

When was a time you felt discouraged about your marriage?

What kept you going, at that point?

What was your hope in during that time?

Who is my go-to person when I get discouraged?

Luke 18:1      1 Corinthians 13:7        2 Corinthians 4:16        


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