Does Marriage Intimacy Matter?

For some of us, this question is non-sensical because we naturally believe there are benefits to marriage.  But some of us are skeptics and wonder if this issue of Marriage Intimacy is really something to pursue.   We only have so much time and energy and marriage intimacy is something that would need focus.

In a business we would call this a cost-benefit analysis.  It answers this question.  If I invest this time, energy, money into something, what can I expect as a return value.  Sounds crass, doesn’t it?  But hang with me because we all tend to evaluate life this way.  We look at risk, reward, effort, time, energy and then decide what we will focus on each minute and day, even if we don’t think we do.  And for finite beings this is not crazy, it is logical and reasonable to do so.  Even Jesus reference this concept in Luke 14:28-30, when he called others to follow him.

Of course, in a marriage relationship, there are clearly more relational and emotional benefits to consider for the question.  But interestingly there are also financial benefits, for example, the costs of divorce, conflict, and counseling that are often required.  Of course I’m not recommending that we “value” our marriage by financial benefits, but in the interest of transparency, we should at least understand all the benefits of have marriage intimacy.

With Marriage Intimacy, we are looking at likely the most important marital quality.  Establishing a stronger, more meaningful relationship with our spouse is part focus, part desire, part effort and part skill.  It is a daily process where we are either building up our intimacy or tearing it down.  There is no middle ground and our level of marriage intimacy doesn’t happen by random chance.

So, what do “experts” say about marriage intimacy?  What have studies shown?

What Studies Speak to Marriage Intimacy?

Being a bit of a nerd, I read several research studies on this topic.  The first question, being researched, was “What is the relationship between marriage intimacy and quality of life?”  This study, published in 2017 used 41 questions to evaluate intimacy on eight dimensions plus a 26 item scale used by the World Health Organization to determine quality of life.  265 people responded to the questions and the study reported this.

“Results showed that there is a significant positive correlation between marital intimacy in all its dimensions and quality of life. In other words, high levels of marital intimacy is associated with high level of quality of life and low levels is related to low levels of quality of life. In the previous studies, the relationship between marital intimacy and quality of life was investigated and the results confirmed this relationship.  The research results are consistent with the research results of Carr et al (2014)11, Robles et al (2014)12, Harper et al (2000)13 and McCabe (1997)14.

Finally, investigating the intimacy showed that quality of life of the married staff increases significantly as intimacy increases. In explaining this finding, it can be said that intimacy leads to strong marital relationships and marital satisfaction.  People who have intimate and efficient relations benefit from certain skills. Couples with deep and stable relationships are familiar with interpersonal skills, such as listening, clear relationships, negotiation, proper management, anger and so on and use these skills in their relationships.”

What Benefits did these Studies find?

Here is a brief list to consider.

• Better quality of life (health, security, happiness, respect, peace, personal development)
• Improved interpersonal skills with all relationships
• Reduced loneliness and rejection (also noted)
• More stable relationship for the whole family

What Other Benefits exist?

Reduced conflict, fear, stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness, dementia, and pathological thoughts.

Improved health, sleep, sex, self-esteem, personal growth, spirituality, purpose, support, passion,
learning, thinking, mental health, and stability.

It seems that we were designed for relationships by a God who highly values relationships.  And the result is that a better relationship with our spouse makes your life healthier, happier, meaningful and purposeful.

Yet we regularly pursue things like income, position/prestige, achievement, success, and knowledge believing they will give us the same results.  Is that rational?

What to Think About Now

• What priority is marriage intimacy for me?
• Looking at my wallet and calendar, what is a higher priority?
• How will higher priorities reward my effort compared to marriage intimacy?